


Voyage

by Oh_Toasty



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Cancer, Loss, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Running Away, Snipers, Unhealthy Relationships, enucleation, loss of an eye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-18 16:44:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18253850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oh_Toasty/pseuds/Oh_Toasty
Summary: Moriarty needs a sniper.A sniper needs good eyes.





	Voyage

He’s always been aware of how much he relies upon his body for his job. Whether he’s sniping or brawling, he has to be able to trust in what his sense tell him. 

So the first time that he lines up a shot and realizes that the man on the other side of the scope is anything less than crystal clear, he starts plotting, planning his next course of action. He calls Jim, let’s him know that the job has been completed, as he breaks down his rifle and makes his way down stairs. As he hits the street, he dials the number of a local opthamologist. 

After all, for a man his age it’s perfectly normal to need glasses or contacts, and he can make it work with his job. 

That night, he fucks Jim into the mattress, high on the thrill of killing a man. 

By the time his appointment creeps around, Sebastian cannot help the fear that he feels. He can’t be certain, but he feels as though his vision has worsened in the week since he first noticed it. When he rubs his eyes, he can’t help but feel that his left eye bulges out farther than his right. Had it always done that? He doesn’t know. 

“Do you have any concerns,” Doctor Stein asks. 

“Yes.”

The doctor listens closely, taking his eye pressure, and looking into his eyes. He hums loudly, before sitting back. 

“I’m going to dilate your eyes if you don’t mind, I’m concerned by the presence of some enlarged blood vessels.”

“Do what you have to,” Sebastian demands. 

He needs his eyes to be okay. They’re his livelihood, his life. He needs them to snipe, needs to snipe to live. If he can’t do his job, then Jim has no use for him. If he’s useless, he’s dead. 

When his eyes are finally fully dilated, Dr. Stein peers into them using some device or another. Sebastian tries not to let his breath catch in his throat, walking himself through various potential escape routes to stay calm. 

Finally, Stein sits back. 

“I’m going to order some more tests. I think an ultrasound will suffice to show us what’s happening inside of your eye.”

“What do you think it is?” 

Sebastian can hear the resignation within his own voice; it doesn’t really matter what it is, only of it can be cured.

“It’s potentially a tumor, but I wouldn’t get to worried yet, not until it’s confirmed. Even then, there’s no guarantee it’s malignant.”

“How soon, how soon will we know?”

“I can do the tests tomorrow.”

Sebastian shakes his head. “No, I need it today. I don’t care how much I have to pay, I need it today.”

“I’m afraid I can’t,” Stein argues once again. 

Sebastian glares down at him. “No, I’m afraid that you don’t understand. You get me my ultrasound today, and you get an extra stack of cash. You don’t get it for me, and I leave you for dead.”

The doctor eyes him, taking into account the scars across his face, and his appearance overall, before swallowing. 

“Give me an hour.”

“That’s better.”

Exactly one hour later, Sebastian is being examined. 

“What’s the news?” He asks, he can tell by the shaking of the doctors hands that it isn’t good. 

“I’ll need a biopsy to confirm malignancy, but it’s definitely a tumor. I would go so far as to claim it’s a Ocular Melanoma, even without the biopsy.”

“What are my treatment options?”

“Depending on the results of the biopsy, chemotherapy, you may need the eye removed.”

Sebastian’s throat is dry as he croaks, “Removed?”

“Indeed, the tumor appears to have permeated your eye, removing it is the only hope of keeping it from metastasizing should it be cancerous.”

“And if it’s not?”

Stein shrugs, “We’ll look into other surgical options, ones that only target the tumor. I’m afraid, due to its likelihood of causing glaucoma, we can’t leave it where it is.”

“So it doesn’t matter what I do,” Sebastian mutters, “Either way I’ll be taken out of the field for a while, he’ll have to replace me, and then I’ll be as good as dead.”

Sebastian shakes his head and hands the man a stack of cash. 

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“Wait, Don’t you want to set an appointment time for a biopsy?”

“No.”

He makes love to Jim that night, and, sensing his mood, his partner allows him to. They’ve never done this before, it’s always been hard and passionate, fueled by their love of death. 

He doesn’t tell Jim it’s a goodbye, and Jim doesn’t ask. 

He slips out during the night, once Jim has fallen asleep. He doesn’t take much within, a supply of cash and a duffle bag filled with clothes and a journal filled with the names of contacts who owe him favors. Before he disappears forever, he makes a quick stop to snap the doctor’s neck and takes the body with him. 

By the morning, he’s in Poland. Three days later, he has a fake ID from a contact Jim didn’t know about, and he’s boarding a plane to America. 

He doesn’t know what he’s going to do, especially once he’s finished seeking medical care, and he wonders why he didn’t just let Jim kill him. He has nothing left to live for; he isn’t happy. 

Deep down, he knows it’s because he doesn’t want to come face to face with the realization that Jim won’t hesitate to kill him. 

The doctors are horrified by the progression of his cancer, and it is cancer. In all honesty, Sebastian is as well. His left eye has once again deteriorated. He can barely see out of it anymore. 

“Mr. Leoter,” the doctor addresses him. “I’m sorry to tell you we have no other choice. We will have to take the eye.”

Sebastian agrees, but he refuses a prosthetic eye. He won’t hide who he is, what he’s survived. He won’t let cancer shame him when the army, the tiger, and Jim all failed. 

He doesn’t need chemo. 

He doesn’t need chemo.

He can’t help his sigh of relief. He would have survived, undoubtedly, but he wasn’t at all eager to face the months of nausea and hair loss. 

The first time he goes to the gun ranges after he loses his eye, Sebastian misses every single target. He rips them to shreds in his car later, tears streaming down his cheeks. 

It’s the first time he’s broken since the diagnosis. 

He was hoping that, miraculously, his depth perception wouldn’t be to bad, that he could adjust to it. He know now that he won’t be able to, he doesn’t know where to begin, how to improve something he lacks completely. 

He’s been in America for nearly a year when he arrives home, and senses something is wrong. His hands reach for his handgun, and he brings it up cautiously. At this point, he’s regained enough of his skill that he can kill a man at close quarters, but he’ll never be the sniper he once was. 

The lights are all still off in the house, but he doesn’t allow that to calm his nerves. He can hear someone shuffling about in the living room, the creak of leather from his arm chair. 

He whips around the corner, gun pointed at the man in his chair. 

“Now, Now, Sebastian, is that anyway to treat a guest?”

Jim’s voice is cold and cruel, and Sebastian feels it in his heart. He’s missed this man, this monster who would have slaughtered him for being so weak as to contract cancer. 

He does not lower his gun. 

“Jim.”

“You’ve been hiding from me. It took me months to find your contact, and several more weeks to break her. She’s shockingly loyal, that Eliza of yours.”

“Why are you here?” Sebastian wonders, trying to hide the despair in his voice. 

“You left me Sebastian, and all I want is to know why.” Jim’s voice is like nothing he’s ever heard before. It almost seems hurt. 

Sebastian does not flinch as Jim steps forwards, into the shadows that Sebastian hides within. He wonders if Jim knows the ways Sebastian has changed; he doesn’t seem to. 

“You would have killed me if I stayed.”

“Killed you,” Jim spits, and he looks crazed as he stalks closer. “How could you ever think I-“

Jim cuts off, and Sebastian realizes with a start that Jim truly hadn’t known. Jim hadn’t known about the cancer, about the following enucleation. It seems killing the doctor back in London had actually done the job. 

“You would have killed me,” Sebastian says quietly, “Because I’m not useful anymore.”

“You bloody idiot!” Jim exclaims. He fists his hands into Sebastian’s shirt and pulls him down low. “I don’t care about your God Damn eye, or your usefulness.”

Their lips meet in anger, and Sebastian allows Jim his aggression. This isn’t a moment in which he should fight for dominance, not when Jim is finally making his dreams come true. If this is what he thinks it is, they’ll have time for that later. 

“You’re coming home with me,” Jim orders, though the fact that their lips are still touch detracts from it. “Tonight.”

Sebastian begins to nod, but then he cuts himself off. 

“I can’t.”

“What.” Jim hisses as he pulls himself away from Sebastian to glare into his one eye. 

Sebastian shakes his head, “I need time to get my affairs in order, or at least to get my files from my cancer team.”

“Cancer team?” 

A quick glance at him shows that Jim is short circuiting. 

“Yes. How did you think I lost my eye?”

“I don't know,” Jim admits. His eyes are dark and filled with fire as he looks back up at Sebastian, “I don’t care; you’re mine, just as you are.”


End file.
